Ancient Of Days on :
Edited: Sideshow caught him inhaling twice in a row. Hard to do... :)
Monday, December 12. 20051.2: I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow...
Up.
Down. Up. Am I on a ship? Down. Sound. I can hear sounds around me. Up. Down. Not a ship...my own breathing...laying on my chest. Up. Down. Up. Arms are bound behind me. Down. Up. Down. Up. A voice. Counting? No...the numbers are in the wrong order... Down. Up. Down. Up. I remember being in my tent; writing in my field journal. There was someone in the entrance...shadowed. I couldn't see him. Not a big guy, though. Mord. My name is Mordecai Ashton. My friends used to call me Mord, but I don't have any of those left. I can't see. Am I blind? Pay attention to other senses, then. A woman's voice, saying numbers. There doesn't seem to be any pattern to them. I smell sweat, and rust. There's a taste of dust in my mouth. My hands have gone numb...they're bound too tightly. There! To the left...someone -- a woman -- sniffing. She's been crying. "Hello? Is someone there?" "Mord? Mordecai, is that you?!" "Sora?!" Her name ripped itself from somewhere deep inside me, and with it came a flood of memories. Childhood games, our whirlwind romance as teenagers, the empty hole she left when she walked out of my life 24 years earlier. "Sora, what are you doing here? Where are we? I can't see..." A dry, rasping chuckle rippled mere inches away from my right ear. A voice like steel sliding over gravel whispered "Welcome, Captain Ashton..." Trackbacks
Trackback specific URI for this entry
Comments
Display comments as
(Linear | Threaded)
Wren on :
I've never yet had the experience of waking uncomfortably and not knowing where I was or what was around me and being blind.
But I sure hope to one day. radar on :
I hope you don't mind some destructive criticism.
Sora's introduction seems a bit rushed. Could it be drawn out longer, or be more descriptive? Or is it that way on purpose, because there will be more later? But very good. I like the sound of the voice. Where is the second inhale? Ancient Of Days on :
> Sora's introduction seems a bit rushed.
We'll see more of Sora and Mord's background very shortly. The idea here was to give that "rushed" feeling, because Mordecai is suddenly overwhelmed with memories and emotions. He doesn't have the luxury at this juncture of going over those memories in detail > Where is the second inhale? It was fixed once Sideshow pointed it out. Hence the "Edited". Ancient Of Days on :
I'm nearly certain something could be arranged...
|
Handy LinksItems of InterestTrekWest5 Subscriber Count: CategoriesBlog AdministrationSyndicate This BlogPowered byTheme dropdownBookmark |
